Married to CSU. A Guide for Spouses of Partners with Chronic Urticaria.
When you have Chronic Urticaria, you may find that you are tired, itchy, agitated, and depressed. All of these things can spill over and affect relationships.
Chronic Urticaria is a condition that can leave both those suffering and their spouses feeling helpless, frustrated, and depressed.
Relationships are tough enough to maintain without Chronic Urticaria getting in the way. If you have this condition, your significant other might not know how to handle it.
When I first started experiencing symptoms, it tested my relationship. My husband had a hard time understanding how challenging this was for me, both physically and mentally. We struggled in the beginning and came very close to falling apart.
We had to take a step back and evaluate the situation. These tips helped save my marriage and we both agreed to have a more open and understanding relationship.
It’s important for you as the partner with Chronic Urticaria that you are also open to these suggestions and put in the work to maintain a healthy relationship.
This article will focus on the partner of someone with Chronic Urticaria and how they can handle their spouse’s condition.
The Emotional Toll of Chronic Urticaria
Chronic Urticaria can be devastating to our emotional well-being, especially those who do not yet have their symptoms under control.
We often feel isolated, misunderstood, and helpless.
Our self-esteem takes a huge hit. I felt so ugly when I experienced swelling of my eyes and hives on my face and neck. I didn’t want to leave the house.
I also found that people did not take my condition seriously and this caused me to isolate myself further. This is a common theme among sufferers of Chronic Urticaria.
Women with Chronic Urticaria are more likely to feel depressed, and up to 20% of patients admit that they have had suicidal thoughts.
Low sex drive
Hormone imbalances, lack of sleep, medication side effects, depression, and fear of flares can all contribute to low sex drive.
It can be frustrating for both partners.
Please keep in mind that it is a common issue with this disease and try not to take it personally.
It’s not because we find you unattractive or don’t want to be intimate with you.
Have patience and empathy. If you become angry or push the issue insistently, it’s more likely only to further damage the relationship.
Be open about communicating what you and your partner’s needs are and how you can adapt.
It may be as simple as adding a suitable lubricant. It may be more complicated such as medication changes or adapting a special diet to help balance hormones.
The biggest takeaway should be to always have open communication and be sure to have empathy.
Remember that is also very frustrating for us who are suffering with this condition.
How to support your partner
Educate Yourself about Chronic Urticaria
It is often difficult for partners and spouses to understand Chronic Urticaria.
There are many misconceptions about the condition, and it can be hard to distinguish between typical allergies and Chronic Urticaria.
Chronic Urticaria is a disease of the mast cells and not an allergy to a specific thing.
There is no cure for Chronic Urticaria, and even when you cannot see any hives, there are other invisible symptoms.
Symptoms include recurrent hives or welts and angioedema that appear without warning. The itch can be unbearable at times and often are painful as well. In addition, some experience joint pain or swelling, headache, fatigue, brain fog, wheezing or feeling breathlessness, gastrointestinal complaints, and heart palpitations.
Even a tiny amount of understanding can help improve the quality of life in your relationship with someone who has Chronic Urticaria.
It’s challenging as the spouse or significant other of someone who has Chronic Urticaria. It can be hard to stay engaged and understanding when your partner is having a bad day, week, or month.
Please know that they are not being dramatic or exaggerating. It can be a truly disabling disease.
You can find studies online about the quality of life in chronic urticaria patients. Reading Chronic Urticaria FAQs and Resources and 10 Things I want you to know about Chronic Urticaria will help you have a deeper understanding.
Be more open with your feelings
One of the most important things is that spouses and partners need to be honest about their feelings. How does this condition impact you?
How does it affect the person who is suffering from this condition?
Talk about what you’re feeling and why it’s bothering you.
Have an open dialogue where both sides understand each other’s needs and provide support and empathy throughout this journey.
Make sure to listen when they talk
One of the most frustrating things about living with this condition is feeling misunderstood or not believed.
Believe them when they say they are tired. Believe them when they complain about symptoms you cannot see.
Make sure to listen with patience and empathy.
Ask questions when you don’t understand something. Don’t be afraid of asking questions to understand better.
Try not to problem solve. It’s natural to want to help, but sometimes we just need someone to listen.
Remove any judgemental words from your vocabulary, such as: never; ever; always; should; shouldn’t, etc.
Help them out
By doing more chores, cooking dinner, or getting the kids off to school in the morning if they are having a rough day.
It seems like little things but fatigue and brain fog are common symptoms that are experienced by Chronic Urticaria patients. Sometimes it’s hard to even get out of bed in the morning and a little bit of help goes a long way.
If you let them sleep just a little longer after a rough night of hives, you may change the trajectory of the entire day.
Don’t expect anything in return – if they want to do something for you, that’s great but don’t make demands on them
Take care of yourself
When you are a caregiver or partner of someone with chronic illness, it can take a toll. It can be mentally exhausting, and you may at times feel overwhelmed or frustrated.
It’s essential to make your self-care a priority.
If you are feeling resentful, take a step back and evaluate what is causing this. Have you been neglecting yourself? What can you do to maintain your quality of life so your relationship doesn’t suffer?
Therapy for yourself, your spouse, and together as a couple may help you both learn to better cope.
Eat a healthy diet. If your spouse has to eat a special diet, support them as best as you can.
You can also try exercises such as yoga or tai chi to help relieve muscle tension and adopt healthier habits for getting enough sleep, and staying active, which will ultimately benefit everyone involved.
Support them when they want to try something new
Medications have their place and are an essential part of treatment, but they aren’t always effective and often come with side effects. Medications should be part of a more extensive care plan.
They may want to try meditation or hypnosis; give them the time and space to do so.
They may want to go to therapy, encourage them to keep going, even when it gets hard.
They may want to try an elimination or anti-inflammatory diet, do it with them.
It’s challenging and frustrating if you can’t eat something and someone is eating it in front of you. My husband has been kind enough to go on my special diet with me, and we have been eating this way for almost ten years now. I feel better, he feels better, and we have bonded over learning to cook from scratch and getting creative in the kitchen.
Try to find ways to have fun together
What was it like when you first met? How did you have fun together? Can you recreate some of those moments?
Make date night a priority. If they are in the midst of a flare and don’t want to go out, do something together at home. The point isn’t always to “go out” but to spend quality time together to strengthen your bond.
Has she wanted to try ballroom dancing but fears a flare? Do it at home with a YouTube video.
Get creative and try new things together.
Chronic Urticaria can bring you closer
Chronic illness is often the “nail in the coffin,” so to speak when it comes to relationships. It doesn’t have to be this way.
Understanding, patience, and empathy can strengthen your bond.
The things my husband has done to help support me have brought us closer. I have also grown in our relationship and learned how to better communicate my needs.
We spend time in nature together, we cook together, and although it doesn’t sound like fun, we do chores together.
Check-in with each other about what you need from one another periodically.
If you follow these tips, your relationship may turn out to be closer than ever before.
Do you have any tips for partners? Share in the comments below.
